I see you ordered the most expensive item on the menu for our first date. I hope you realize that it comes with a side order of my dick.

Why do women fart after they take a piss?

Because they can't shake it, so they blow dry it.

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.



Doctor: What was the problem?



Elderly man: Well, you I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.



Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?!



Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup.