Me: If I washed my dick would you suck it?

Her: NO!

Me: You dirty cock sucker

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.

That awkward moment when a rapist picks up a hitchhiking serial killer.
Killer: "Turn down that dark road down there."
Rapist: "I was planning on it..."

I think people should stop picking on fat kids.............
They got enough on their plates !

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Roses are red tulips are black you’d look great with a knife in your back