Friend: How is a pussy like a grapefruit?
Me: The best ones squirt when you eat them.

Are you good with kids?

Cause I'm about to turn your mouth into a day care.

Three guys went to a skiing lodge and asked for a room the clerk says "Oh sorry we are out of rooms we only have one available" one of the guys says "Thats fine we can share". So during midnight the guy on the very left woke up saying "Dude i had a wiered dream that i was having a handjob", the guy on the right side woke up saying the same thing, then the gun in the very middle woke up saying "Thats funny i had a dream that i was sking" :p