Apparently if I don't forward a bit of chain mail I received, a dead woman will appear in my room at 1.AM. Guess who's getting laid tonight.

Q: What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?
A: We're lawyers.

One sperm has 37.5MB of DNA information in it. This means a normal ejaculation represents a data transfer of 1587GB in 3 seconds... and you thought 4G was fast.

Q: Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead

Your best friend has three girlfriends. Their names are Doe, Ray, and Me.

All 3 want to do something special so they set up some dates.

Three days ago Doe kisses him.

Two days ago Ray gives him vaginal sex.

Yesterday, who sucks his dick?

Me: Guess What?

Lad: What?

*Gets ran over by a bus*