Guy: Wanna suck my dick?
Girl: No.
Guy: Probably for the best. I mean, it has a label-Warning! Choking Hazard!
Girl: Isn't that the warning put on tiny objects?

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog . He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

When girls be like, "SUCK MY DICK!" Everybody laughs, but when boys yell, "EAT MY PUSSY!" Shit gets awkward.

Once Cleopatra called all the Great men of history in a single room- Lincoln, Lenin, Gandhi, Martin Luther King etc..,

Cleopatra: If a man in this room does not have a erection, when i put on my bikini, then i will take that man to my room and satisfy him.

*Cleopatra puts on bikini and everyone has an erection except Gandhi*

So Cleopatra takes Gandhi to her room, and takes off all her clothes, still Gandhi does not have an erection, angry, Cleopatra banishes Gandhi out of her room.

The next day.

Lincoln:How can you resist such temptation?

Gandhi:I can't

Martin Luther King: But what about yesterday?

Gandhi:Today i just realized that i wasn't wearing my glasses yesterday..

My wife wanted me to whisper dirty things to her.

"...........dishes."

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the lights out, since they can't see each other signing.



After several nights of fumbling around and many misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution.



"Honey, why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."



"Great idea!" the husband signs to her.



Then he thinks about how to make up a signal for her. The "A-ha!" look flashes over his face.



"And if you want to have sex with me," he replies, "reach over and pull on my organ one time. If you don't want to have sex, pull on my organ two hundred and fifty times."