Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex you dress yourself.



Moral of the story: No one helps you once you're f*cked.

There was a boy who couldn't say words properly, but his mum still trusted the boy to go shopping.
"son i need you to buy us a bun, a bucket and a cocker spaniel"
the boy said "ok be right back"

So the boy went to the bakery store and he went to the man in the front and asked "sir do you have a bum?" the man said " you mean a bun?"
and the boy said "yes a bum." so he bought it and moved on to the next store, he asked the man working there, "sir can i have a f*cket?" and the man said "ohh~~ do you mean a 'bucket'?" and so the boy doesn't bother and says "yes, a f*cket..."
He goes to the pet store and asks "Do you have a cock and spankit?", the owner said, "excuse me? do you mean a cocker spaniel" the boy just says "yes a cock and spankit..." so recieved all of the items that his mum told him to buy.

He moves onto the bus stop waiting for the bus, a woman was next to him smiling to him nicely, finally the bus came, he entered the bus and noticed he was missing an item, he was missing the cocker spaniel, it was still at the bus stop, so he says to the woman "excuse me, Can you hold onto my bum and f*cket, while i get my cock and spankit...."

Cops: Open up!

Me: I don't want tickets to your ball!

Cops: We don't have balls!

Cops: "slow clap" well played.

Roses are brown,

Violets are brown,

Who the hell took a shit in my garden?

Some one asked me how people view lesbians in my country. Apparently 'Usually in HD' wasn't the answer they were looking for.

Why did the chicken cross the road?



Cause North Korea's missiles couldn't reach that far.