three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Your ass looks fine and so do you
I took you to my place
And everything was fine
Then I said, "I'll be the six if you be the nine."
So it started out nice
We ended up in bed
Everything got hard so I showed her my head
So we were under the blankets
It was hot so I was about to smuther
I lifted up the blanket and found out it was your mother.

So I go to McDonalds to get a drink when I see this fat girl bullying a mentally disabled kid. So I walk up to her.
Me: You know that can happen to any of us, right?
Girl: Well God gave me a mouth to speak with so I'm going to use it
Me: Yeah? Well God gave you a mouth to eat too, but you abused that privilege, didnt ya?
Girl: -Speechless-
Me: Wipe that ketchup off your chin, too.
Girl: -Wipes chin-
Me: No, your other chin.