I think I'm allergic to your face. My dick gets swollen every time I see it.

how many jews can you get in a car?
two in the frount, three in the back, and six million in the ash tray.

Next time you're having sex with your significant other, stop right in the middle of it.When she asks what you're doing say, "Shhh...I saw this in a porno once. It's called buffering."

Q.Why did Barney explode?
A. Who f**king cares?

Best way to answer the phone:
"Bob's whore house, you got the doe we got the hoe, how may I help you?"