Easy way to tell if she wants it. Text her and say "wanna bang?" Wait for reply and if she gets mad just say "oh my gosh it was supposed to say hang"

Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house everyone felt shitty even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse and dad smoking grass, I settled down for a nice piece of ass.

When all of a sudden I heard such a clatter, I sprung from my place to see what was the matter.

When out on the lawn I saw a big dick, I new in a moment it must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell, I knew in a moment the f*cker had fell.

He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer and a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart, the son of a b*tch tore the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed as he flew out of sight, "piss on you all and have a hell of a night." :)