Q.What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine.
A. With a porcupine the pricks on the outside.

Old days: "Mom I'm hungry"."Ok sweetheart I'll go make some porridge"



Now: "Mom I'm hungry". "Go heat up a f*ckin hot pocket then lazyass"

A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.

"Hey, hows it going?"

Not wanting to be rude, he replied, "Not too bad thanks."

A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.

"What are you up to?"

Somewhat reluctantly, he replied, "Having a quick shit, what about you?"

He heard the voice again.

"Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back. Theres some wise ass in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!!!"