Roses are red,

Violets are blue.

I have a gun.

Get in the van.

*pregnant girl gets on bus*

Bus driver: Excuse me sir could you give your seat up?

Man: Nooooo, she shoulda fucked someone with a car.

Kid:Dear Santa send me a brother Santa:Bring me your mother

Q: What did one saggy titti tell to another saggy titti?
A: If we don't get help, people are going to think we're nuts.

Where did Emily go after the explosion?

Everywhere

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn comes in to take a piss. Well, the man cant help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised, "bubba, whats your secret?" Bubba says"well, every night before i go to get in bed with a woman i whack my dick on the bedpost three times." So the man decides to try it that very night. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes.up and says"bubba, is that you?"

Who decided the monkey's couldn't run in the race?
The people who make that kind of decision

New STD called "feelings", Don't catch that shit.

What's red and breaks your teeth?
-A brick!

What's does a slut and the Bermuda Triangle have in common? They swallow alot of semen