MAN: I'm so sorry the marriage didn't work out.
WOMAN: It's okay, we can still be cousins.
you might be a redneck if you ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame
You might be a redneck if you have ever fallen asleep in a waffle house
How do you get away from a redneck. Take a hard right
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *walks away*
20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope and Steve Jobs. Now we have no Cash, no Hope and no Jobs. Please dont let Kevin Bacon die!
Dad: Say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: F*ck you, say daddy!
Baby: F*ck you, Mommy!
Mom: Honey, I'm home!
Baby: F*ck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a b*tch.
Dad: Hey son want to hear a joke?
Son: Yeah!
Dad: Pussy.
Son: I dont get it.
Dad: Exactly...
Husband (watching a video):
Don't do it! I swear you gonna regret it for the rest of your life. You stupid idiot! Don't say yes. No! No! NOOO!! Aw dang, he actually did it! What a dumb ass!
Wife: Honey, why you so mad? What'aya watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.