Just tried to kill a spider with some Axe Body Spray but it survived and is now trying to make inappropriate sexual advances towards me.

I've noticed people don't like when you smack kids in public places for acting out. Especially when they're not your own.

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
He's for me,
Not for you,
If by chance,
You take my place,
I'll take my fist, And smash your face.

The Cell Phone Restaurant Challenge:

Phones must be stacked in a pile during a meal. The first person to check their phone pays the bill.

Q: Did you hear about the new movie "Constipation?"



A: It hasn't come out yet.

"So how can we make the Xbox 360 better this time around?"
"Minus 359"
"That's f*cking brilliant Jim"

Eventually the entire written English language will be taken over by emoticons. Teenage girls will bring us back to Egyptian hieroglyphs.

What do constipated people say?
"I wanna scream and shout, and let it all out"

What does a rubik's cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with it, the harder it gets.

Don’t you hate it when you’re typing something and you’re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were titties.