Old days: "Mom I'm hungry"."Ok sweetheart I'll go make some porridge"



Now: "Mom I'm hungry". "Go heat up a f*ckin hot pocket then lazyass"

Treat a gamer like you would treat a tomato. Give them food and drink and don't leave them in direct sunlight.

to do list: 1. dig a hole 2. name it love 3.watch people fell in love

What bee's can make milk?boobees

what comes after 69... mouthwash

*cop pulls me over*
Cop: Do you realize how fast you were going? me: No..
Cop: You were like NEEEEEEAWWW!! *Cop runs away with imaginary steering wheel*

10% luck, 20% skill, 15% concentrated power of will.

i love that song, i just wish i could remember the name.

You: Do your parents know your gay?
Friend: No?
You: HAHAHHA
Friend: Shit

A man went into the public toilets to relieve himself. The first cubicle was in use, so he went into the next one. As he took down his trousers, he heard a voice from the other cubicle.

"Hey, hows it going?"

Not wanting to be rude, he replied, "Not too bad thanks."

A few seconds later, he heard the voice again.

"What are you up to?"

Somewhat reluctantly, he replied, "Having a quick shit, what about you?"

He heard the voice again.

"Hold on, I'm going to have to call you back. Theres some wise ass in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say!!!!"

A midget bought a book, 'How to make yourself taller.'

She stood on it.