A mysterious hole in the road appeared over night. No one knows how it got there.
Police are looking into it.

Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is.

I have a perfect insult for you: And you're name is Lydia!

Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.
I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.

I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally.

I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
Fucking b*tch.

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

There's always that one kid in PE who thinks it's the f*cking Olympics.