Home is where the wifi connects automatically.

I bet nerdy kids in math call their friends Algebros.

that moment when you laugh so much about your friends joke you end up farting accidently.

Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

what do you get when you cross a hedgehog with an owl? a prick that stays up all night

I want world peace so bad that I will punch anyone in the face who opposes me.

The awkward moment when you're banging your chick doggie style and can't help but notice the butt hole lint.

I'm trying to have makeup sex but the god damn lipstick keeps breaking off inside me.

Any salad can be a Caesar salad if you stab it enough.

There's a big difference between a bear hug and a bare hug...