guy: suck my dick

me: sorry I cant put small things in my mouth I will choke

Girl: If I was your wife, I would poison your drink
Man: if I was your husband I would drink it

Teacher: Have you completed you"re homework?
Student: No, have you marked our test papers?
Teacher: Well, no but..
Student: Shit happens..

Guy: where have you been all my life
Girl: hiding from you

Kid: your ugly

Me: *sneez* sorry i am alergic to bullshit

Friend: Are you asleep?

Me: Yes, I'm sound asleep and having a nightmare about some idiot who's asking me if I'm asleep. :)

I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong.

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.

Great story hun.
In what chapter do you shut the f*ck up?

boy: you have no pubes

me: yeah because the rest are stuck in your moms teeth