"Your gay!" yells a angry boy.

"Hey, what's the difference between your jokes and your dick?" asks the other guy.

"I don't know, what?"

"No one laughs at your jokes"

You better rewind that attitude before I fast forward your ass whoopin.

Boy: "Mom, can I go bungee jumping"
Mom: "NO, you came in this world because rubber broke, I don't want you to go out the same way."

Person: You mother f*cker!



Me: Considering I f*cked your mother, I suppose I am a mother f*cker...

me: playing on laptop
random jerk: hey nerd, you doing stupid research
me: no, I'm selling your mom on ebay

Best way to answer phone:
Mario's pizzeria and abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce.

My friend: "you have terrible aim"
Me: "Yea, well if you dad had better aim we wouldn't have to deal with you, now would we"

guy - did it hurt?
chick- what?!?!?!?
guy - when you fell from heaven?
chick - that is so swee-
guy- because it looks like you landed on face!

Bully: nice skinny jeans, you and my sister can match
You: oops, looks like I grabbed the wrong ones after we f*cked last night

Hey man I'm dating your ex now
Cool, I'm eating a sandwich...... You want those leftovers too?