A book just fell on my head.
I've only got my shelf to blame.

I'm going to stand outside, so if anyone asks I'm outstanding.

Thieves had broken into my house and stolen everything except my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant. Dirty Bastards.

If women from the south are called southern belles, are women from Mexico called taco bells?

Where do TVs go on vacation?
To remote islands!

When you're walking into the bathroom you're American.

When you're walking out of the bathroom you're American.

What are you when you're inside the bathroom?

European.

I can hear music coming out of my printer.
I think the paper's jammin' again.

Why is gay marriage an issue? Because people are f*cking assholes.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

I used to go fishing with Skrillex, but they kept dropping the bass.