What's the last thing that went through Sally's mind after falling from a skyscraper? Her ankles.

Why was Sally rolling in the grass?

She was on fire.

What’s green and has wheels?

Grass, I lied about the wheels.

Did you know Helen Keller had a swing-set in her backyard?
Neither did she.

Why did the squirrel fall out of the tree?
-It was dead
Why did the second squirrel fall out of the tree?
- It was stapled to the first one.
Why did the third squirrel fall out of the tree?
-Peer pressure

Kid:Dear Santa send me a brother Santa:Bring me your mother

How do you make a clown stop smiling? You throw an axe at his face.

What's Al Qaeda's favorite sports team? New York Jets.

How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family

Republicans are red, Democrats are blue,
Neither one of them,
Gives a f*ck about you!