If your grandma's furniture is wrapped in plastic it's probably because she's a squirter.

What do you do if a woman doesn't make you a sandwich?
Her best friend.

You deserve a handjob from Edward Scissorhands.

I'm not saying shes a slut,

But I am saying that when she sees balls, she goes after them like a hungry hungry hippo.

what do you call a prostitute that likes fishing?
A Hooker!

What does a white chick and a tampon have in common?

They're both stuck up cunts !

Whats the difference between acne and priests?
Acne doesn't come on your face til your 12

One day Mickey mouse found a text message to minnie saying to do it in the usual place. Mickey came up to minnie and yelled ,"Are you f*cking crazy!" She replied, "No i'm f*cking Goofy!"

Guy: Hey, I spilled water on your GF; you jelly?
Guy2: Why would I be jelly?
Guy: 'Cause I got her wet and you can't.

read it out loud:
i 1 2 1/2 6