When you swing an axe at Chuck Norriss' neck, he doesn't lose his head, you've lost your mind.

Chuck Norris can hear lightning and see thunder.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Chuck norris don't wear sunblock the sun wears chuck block

Chuck Norris knows what the fox says.

Chuck Norris' heartbeat monitor is a vertical line.

Chuck Norris invented the color black. In fact, he invented all visible colors. Except pink, Tom Cruize invented pink.

The leading causes of death in the United States are:

3. Heart Disease

2. Chuck Norris

1. Cancer

Chuck Norris's dog is trained o pick up its own poop because he does not take shit from any one.

chuck norris doesnt lick the back of a stamp if he wants to send out the mail, he just looks at the stamps and they wet themselves