You know you're ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Telling a girl to calm down works about as well as trying to baptize a cat.

I tried to be polite and hold the door open for a woman, but she kept screaming, "I'm peeing in here!"
Fucking b*tch.

Life without women would be a pain in the ass, literally.

I am more pissed off than a dragon trying to blow out candles.

Accidentally pooped my pants in the elevator.
I'm taking this shit to a whole new level.