If I were an enzyme, I'd be DNA Helicase. Then I could unzip your genes.

My uncle was on drugs for years, but almost relapsed and got himself killed. All because he saw a sign that said "crack in the road"!!

You know my father threw a camera at me once, I still have flashbacks.

I don't want to startle anyone, but Becky on Facebook cannot believe how fast the weekend flew by.

I swear if I didn't have a smartphone i'd be asleep 4 hours earlier every night.

If Jesus is the god of lamb, and the mother of Jesus is Mary, so that means Mary had a little lamb?

I hate long lines, unless it's cocaine.
In that case, I love long lines.

I don't always have a valid argument, but when I do its later that day, in the shower

Drink 'till she's cute, but stop before the wedding.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.