I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.
My next crap could spell disaster.

Once I found out masturbating was an addiction, I just knew that I had no choice but to beat it.

Is google a woman?

Because it won't let you finish your sentence without coming up with other suggestions.

Stop it with the gay jokes, cum on guys.

There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...

Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

When I get naked in the bathroom, the shower usually gets turned on.

Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

I couldn't work out how to fasten my seatbelt. Then it clicked.