Insult: You're gay.
Comeback: You wish I was.

Telemarketer: Hi, can I interest you in...

Me: THANK GOD YOU CALLED! THERE'S SO MUCH BLOOD! QUICK! WHAT DO I DO??

(My friend Angel cracking on this ugly ass white dude)

Ugly ass white dude- Shut up Osama before i report u to the DEA

Angel- Your moms part of my DEA

Ugly ass white dude- Oh yeah whts that?

Angel- Dick Enjoyment Association

Me and my friends- Oh!!!!!!!!!

Girl:why are you so ugly
Boy:I'm you from the future

Guys are just like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

So I was in class this one time.
The teacher was just sitting there looking at me. Me: Take a picture they last longer.
Teacher: What did you say to me?
Me: Well I know I didn't studder, but wait I just remembered last time you picked up a camera it broke.
Teacher: Are you talking back to me?
Me: Well if I didn't that would just be plain f*cking rude.

Boy 1: come on can't can't think of a comeback
Boy 2: if i wanted my cum back I'd take it off your mums chin
Boy 1: .................

shut up you will never be the man your mum is

Guy1: at least i have got a dick Guy2: what dick?
Guy1: the one that created you

Jack*ss- yo twig why so skinny
Me- because every time look at you I have to vomit